We come in this world and we go out just the same

I didn't go to school today.

I wanted to go to the funeral of my Tita Celly. She passed away last Sunday. Mom said I didn't have to go but I did anyway. I cried and I didn't really expect myself crying because I'm not that close with her. She's my grandma's brother's wife. We just call practically all my lady relatives Tita.

I attended the wakes and cried occasionally in the car when no one really noticed. I don't know. It's just really damn depressing when someone passes away. Or maybe I'm just so emotional. It's probably that.

It's just so sad hearing her husband sing her their old theme songs and watching her daughter cry and scream and all that. It's contagious, those sad feelings. It was worst at the funeral than the wakes. That's when people lost it and started crying like hell and I just tried to hold it all in and tear up a bit. Now I know why so many people were wearing sunglasses.

I still feel so sad. It won't go away. Sadness is a sickness for me. Once it starts, all the bad things that aren't even related to what I was first thinking about run around my head. I cried a lot when I got home. I'm scared to lose anyone close. I don't know how I'll handle it, being so fragile and breakable. I have a huge imagination and think about death a lot. I think about mine as well and how I always wanted sunflowers instead of those usual white flowers. I will stop now.

I think too much I think.

Rest in peace Tita Celly ♥