He's gone gone gone gone gone

I feel like exploding and have no idea where to release it but here because every other website is so public and out there. I think too much. Scrambled thoughts right now. I wish I could hold myself together. I don't know why people have to torture themselves and play depressing music like fuckers. I let a week of silence pass. I was happy. I thought everything would go away but sometimes they just come back and I feel like killing myself. Just one day ruined all the fucking progress. I saw him yesterday. Maybe for the last time. I watched him from the window. He watched me cry. I watched him walk away. He's gone. My eyes hurt like they're burning or something. My hands are shaking and I'm just going to let this all out. I don't give a fuck. Who gives a fuck. I'm a terrible person. Shit this hurts like fuck. I should never be left alone because things happen when I'm alone. I'll miss him. This will pass.  I know it will. Soon. I need to stay strong. So strong or the same shit will just happen to me. I can't think. I can't. I don't know. What the fuck is happening to me. I want red wrists. I'm talking to myself. Fucking hell this is such a shitty fucking morning. I hate this. My heart feels like someone is cutting it up into bits and burning each little piece of it one by one.