Sunday, January 29, 2012

He's gone gone gone gone gone

I feel like exploding and have no idea where to release it but here because every other website is so public and out there. I think too much. Scrambled thoughts right now. I wish I could hold myself together. I don't know why people have to torture themselves and play depressing music like fuckers. I let a week of silence pass. I was happy. I thought everything would go away but sometimes they just come back and I feel like killing myself. Just one day ruined all the fucking progress. I saw him yesterday. Maybe for the last time. I watched him from the window. He watched me cry. I watched him walk away. He's gone. My eyes hurt like they're burning or something. My hands are shaking and I'm just going to let this all out. I don't give a fuck. Who gives a fuck. I'm a terrible person. Shit this hurts like fuck. I should never be left alone because things happen when I'm alone. I'll miss him. This will pass.  I know it will. Soon. I need to stay strong. So strong or the same shit will just happen to me. I can't think. I can't. I don't know. What the fuck is happening to me. I want red wrists. I'm talking to myself. Fucking hell this is such a shitty fucking morning. I hate this. My heart feels like someone is cutting it up into bits and burning each little piece of it one by one.


  1. It's okay Andy :( I know how you feel. Josh left me and its been 2 weeks and I cry like crazy every night and I try to look okay every day. I feel lost and out of control. But yknow, you should try to be happy okay? :) Try watching No Other Woman :P It's a Filipino movie and its really nice because Of Anne Curtis lol. But seriously, I wanna be like her so fucking desirable :)) So, you know, try watching it! :D And be happy!!! Do some more art! :D I love seeing them :)

  2. Hey, Andy. Hope you feel better in the days to come. Surround yourself with happy people. Surround yourself with family. Alone is not a good thing to be during this time. Try baking some cookies with your sister. :> Watch Filipino comedy movies! Tanging Ina (all the movies) are so funny. XD Use this time to be productive, you can do it, Andy! Keep strong!

  3. Andy please don't hurt yourself or do anything too crazy, please please please. I love you and I promise I'll look after him for you, okay? I know you're both hurting, but I think it's all for the best. I know how it feels to be there. Believe me when I say this, it really does get better in time. Take it easy for now, this too will pass and you'll be just fine in time.

    Take care of yourself alright???

  4. Thank you guys for all the concern :') ♥ ♥ ♥